7/21/24

internet safety and etiquette reminders

this is both a supplement to my last blog post as well as it's own thing. i think everyone needs a reminder on how to act on the internet, myself included. they may sound familiar to you if you've seen those internet safety or think before you post posters in school. i'm going to do my best to expand on things a bit more and to try and add things that are applicable to what the internet is like today. like my last post, this is not intended to condescend or belittle anyone! none of us are perfect and we all mess up sometimes!

section 1: how to be safe online

since the myspace days, social media sites have encouraged people to use their real name, post photos of them and their friend's/family's faces, their age, location, school, job...i can go on. it was not always like this, back before this stuff got popular, people were mostly anonymous. they used screen names and at most would just say what country they're from. of course, there were people that still posted their personal info back then, but it was not nearly as normalized or encouraged in the way that it is now. because of this shift, people are more likely to get doxxed, stalked, or have their information used against them in some way (and this includes employers and advertisers). internet safety is almost a lost art at this point, but these days it's more important now than ever. here's some tips on how to keep yourself safe online.

1. you are not obligated to give out ANY of your personal information online.


2. avoid using your real name publicly and never tell anyone your last name. i knew a guy who doxxed people and he said all he needed was a few bucks and their name and he can get their address, phone number, work, family members, etc. (i always hated him and i'm not in contact with him anymore thank god). i suggest using a screen name, or if you really want to use your first name, just make sure your last isn't out there.


• additionally, do not post photos of yourself/family/friends (ESPECIALLY if they're kids and/or did not consent to their pic being shared) or post photos/talk about places that can reveal where you are! do not post anything that can indicate where your house, job, or school is. if you're going to a restaurant or on vacation, don't post those photos until the day after. if it's a local spot, don't post it at all. there's videos going around of people (consensually) figuring out people's exact location based on a photo of like. a plate. seriously, look at rainbolts videos on these, they're a stark reminder of why we were told not to post photos like this in the first place.


3. if you're a kid, don't reveal your age at all. don't lie about either though. if someone asks you what your age is, you tell them "i don't feel comfortable sharing that". if they respect your boundaries, cool, if they decide not to talk to you, don't take it personally, they're probably just not comfortable talking to someone who could potentially be young. if they keep asking, BLOCK THEM.


4. sometimes, people can extract personal information out of you simply by posting a little game or quiz (ex:"find your vampire name using your first and last initials/birthdate/etc). recognize those and don't partake in or post those! there are games like that that don't require personal info!


5. i touched on this in the last post, but you shouldn't list your triggers anywhere. trolls can and will use that against you. if you need to, you can mute words/tags on various social media sites.


6. i also mentioned this heavily in the last post, but the block button is your best friend. block anyone that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, and try not to feel bad about it! better safe than sorry.


7. be careful of what sites you are giving your email, phone number, address, id, ssn, and card info to. use a temporary email and fake phone number if you're able to, or at least have an email specifically for signing up to non important sites and have a separate one for your bank and such.


8. never use the same password twice and use a password manager! i use bitwarden because it will tell you when your info was found in a data breach and it has its own password generator. i know it'll feel like a hassle changing all your passwords, but the inconvenience of doing that is a lot nicer than the risks of your info getting stolen.


9. one of the top ways that people get hacked is through social engineering. not only is it spam emails/texts/dms from random people or bot accounts, but your friends may get hacked as well and the hackers will pose as them and try to hack you as well or get personal info out of you. if your friend is talking to you and they tell you to click on a link that looks weird or has a url you've never seen before, don't click it! always confirm it's really your friend talking to you and not a hacker (this is easier if you know them irl as the hacker may have taken over more than one of their accounts). also, even if it is really your friend, check to see if the link is safe before clicking on it anyway. i've literally seen someone nearly get their ip grabbed by their best friend on twitter before (and it really was them, not a hacker).


• a good way to tell if your friend was hacked is if they are acting suddenly frantic and telling you to do something NOW without answering any of your questions. also, notice if the way that they type in general seems out of character.


• sometimes the hacker may have convincing looking screenshots to try and trick you further. reverse image search or look up a description of the screenshot/details of what the person is saying, chances are it's a common scam.


• most social media/websites will tell you that their team will never ask for your information or dm you. they will definitely never tell you to change your email to something else. remember this next time you get a dm from someone claiming they're from the discord support team or something.


• avoid clicking on links from ads or emails that are from companies, go to the company's website instead. bad actors can disguise themselves as companies and try to use phishing links to steal your info.

internet etiquette

this is a general idea of how you should act online. a lot of it boils down to "treat others the way you would want to be treated", but there's more to that. some of these are things i've said in my last post, but it's always good to have the extra reminder.

1. if you're interacting with people you don't know too well or at all, it might not be wise to talk to them in the same way you talk to your friends (your bestie may be ok with you jokingly saying kys but the stranger you're talking to might not be). remember that these are real people behind the screen. if you wouldn't say it to a strangers face in real life, don't say it online.


• this includes sexual/suggestive comments, venting/traumadumping, saying offensive things (even if it's "just a joke") and overall just acting "too familiar" with them.


• yes this includes celebrities i can't believe i have to say it but public figures are STILL PEOPLE! do not do this shit to them especially if they have expressed discomfort about it before!


2. this will be a bit hard depending on who you are, but when you enter a new space online, get a good feel for the vibe/culture that is set up there. some places might not appreciate certain things that other places may encourage. take some time to think about why you want to be in there, lurk for a bit and see how people interact with each other, and see if the place is right for you or not.


3. always thoroughly read the rules of a discord server, forum, or any other place you're looking to join. they are there for a reason, do not skim through them or ignore them! this will also help you understand the purpose of the space and the culture it aims to cultivate.


4. don't use group chats, discord servers, and other spaces like that solely to vent, complain or debate people, especially if nobody is super familiar with you in there. if the only thing people know about you is what you hate and the awful situations you've been in, that's a problem. build relationships with the people in there, they'll be able to help and support you more if they're closer to you. and make sure you're not posting in the vent channel more than in general chat (ask yourself what your intentions for being in this space are and what you're about to do each time you go in there... chances are these will not align with each other if all you do is post negative things). if you need to, ask a friend if you can vent to them or get a diary!


• this is not me saying never vent or complain or ask for help or have (healthy) debates at all ever, this is me saying you need to find a healthy balance between positive/neutral and negative things, especially if you're in a space where you are just getting to know people!


• private accounts are commonly used as a diary/vent space, especially on twitter, but these can still be harmful. people can still see and screenshot these posts, even if you think you can trust them! also, this is just not a typically healthy way to get things off your chest. please get a diary or make something that's for your eyes only before you let strangers online know all of your vulnerabilites (certain people will use this stuff to manipulate and prey on you!)


• tbh even in public spaces avoid being the person that only vents or starts/engages in discourse. you'll feel like shit if all you do is argue and people may find you draining to be around


5. before you post anything, ask yourself what the purpose of it is and what impact it may have. this poster is an evergreen statement:
   


• i know it's "in" to be mean and ironypoisoned as like a form of humor, but at the end of the day it's just mean. don't give into to that and if you did, learn to get out of it! it'll take time and practice but you and the people around you will seriously feel a lot better. kindness and sincerity is what the world needs!


• remember that other people are reading what you post, so before you go dunk on that asshole, consider that the people around you may not want to see that person's post, no matter the context you're putting it in.


6. if you see someone post something you don't like, are grossed out by, or offended by, or someone tries to start an argument with you, you are not obligated to respond or react. you can ignore or block them (and report if it's like. bigotry or CSAM).


7. remember that not everybody thinks like you, therefore not every post out there is going to align with your exact thoughts and experiences. for example, if someone says something like "hey has anyone else's mom ever teach you _?", don't go in there saying "well my mom was never present in my life, so no". that's information nobody asked for or needed, just scroll to the next post.


• also people have different tastes than you! don't get angry because someone doesn't like a show you like and don't be mean to someone because you think their interests are "cringe" (and while you're at it, ask yourself why you think some things are "cringe"... your feelings toward something may have been guided by what other people told you to think, or they may hint at internal biases you may have. it's a good idea to think your own thoughts and let your actions be guided by those rather than what your friends want you to think).


8. if you're into a musician/band, kill the record label executive in your mind! if all you care about is how many number 1's or awards an artist gets, that's not a healthy way to engage in music fandom. charts and sales are just data for labels, awards, and streaming algorithms. the general public should not be giving a flying fuck about who "outsold" and who "flopped". it's toxic and not at all what music is about. stop treating this like you're betting at a race, this is literal art we're talking about here.


9. kill the cop in your mind while you're at it. a lot of the time it's not worth making callout posts or sending people to harass someone. apply nuance here obviously! but shit like "you have 24 hours to unfollow this person or you will be blocked and harassed and told to kys" is not helpful in the slightest.


• also, do your own research before you potentially spread harmful misinformation about someone. people will accuse others of really depraved things with no evidence or exaggerations/misunderstandings being used as evidence. look at the language being used by the person who made the callout post. are they stating the facts neutrally? is there legit evidence and testimonies? or are they just shouting about how much of a Morally Impure Unperson this guy is without providing much information?


• i touch on a similar topic in the previous blog post, but basically this can easily get into like, moral perfectionism panopticon territory. it is up to you on researching and gauging the situation. committing crimes or being actively bigoted is different than, like, being rude to fans or saying something a few years ago that they apologized for and have obviously changed since then. use your discernment and don't let other people tell you what to think (both in this context and in general!)


• an issue that is becoming a thing lately is accusing someone of using generative AI in their art with zero evidence. this has led to people dogpiling someone who never even used AI. this is why you check for the facts yourself before you grab your pitchforks and torches.


10. you know that tweet that's like "i can say 'i like waffles' on here and someone will show up saying 'oh so you hate pancakes?' that's not what i said. that's an entirely new sentence"? make sure you're not having a pancake moment! reading comprehension and nuance are key. it's not healthy to assume bad faith in someone just because they didn't explictly look at every possible angle on something or mention y when they're talking about x.


11. don't post photos or videos of strangers. yes, even if they're just in the background. censor, crop, or just don't post it. people might not want them out there online for many reasons!


12. if you catch yourself saying something mean or if someone expresses discomfort with something you said/did, apologize! in one of the discord servers i'm in, it's not uncommon to see someone say "wait that sounded mean sorry about that" or "that came out wrong, what i meant was _" and people are usually cool with it. noticing and correcting your own behavior is a sign of growth and maturity. if someone tells you that you messed up, you may feel nervous and wanting to go on the defense, but don't do that! remember that they are telling you not because they want to attack you personally, they just want you to know that something isn't okay. apologize, correct the behavior, and move forward!


13. ultimately, just don't be an asshole! saying mean things and saying slurs and shit is not cool or funny and ultimately that's spreading misery rather than kindness. if you are struggling with your mental health, please seek help, but remember that you control your own actions and it is your responsibility to make sure you are not hurting yourself or those around you and that you're seeking better ways to cope. things may not be perfect for you and may never will be perfect, but trust me things can still get better and YOU can get better if you take action! i really do believe in you!

similarly to my last post, this list may change over time, so please check back often and provide feedback! i hope this helps someone out there and that i, WE, can make the internet a safer, better place, even if the impact is marginal.