7/19/24

what i've done to make my time online better

ok so this is kind of a new thing for me to do and i will also probably make more posts about similarish things later on... i have a lot of ideas that are a bit beyond the scope of what i intended this one post to be. this is basically going to be sort of a guide for people who may deal with anxiety or moral ocd or are just not doing well in general with a significant part of the problem being social media. a lot of this is geared toward tumblr due to that being one of the very few social media sites im on and due to tumblr being, y'know, tumblr, but i think this advice still holds up in general and i know other places such as twitter have similar features to tumblr. this is all what i've personally done and this may not 100% work for you and you also do not have to follow this guide word for word. think of it as suggestions or like. your older sibling giving you advice after buying you a slurpee from the gas station...this is ultimately meant to help people, not to attack or put anyone down.

a brief rundown of what social media is like right now

the guide

section 1: built-in tools to help you avoid bad shit

1. the block and unfollow buttons are a powerful tool that gets widely underused. i know that some people get iffy when it comes to blocking people out of fear that they will get called out or ostracized or percieved as "losing the argument". i'm here to tell you that blocking/unfollowing is 100% morally neutral and you can block literally everyone for any reason. bigot? blocked. annoying? blocked. mainly post about a show you don't hate but are just kinda tired of seeing all the time? blocked! when you block someone, there is a good chance that they will never notice or care. and if they do, well, they can't really do much about it since they're blocked. if they go on alt accounts or send their friends on you, block them too. you do not owe anyone a reason why you blocked or unfollowed them.


• do not look through accounts that you have blocked or are about to block. you do not need to justify your decision to yourself and you do not need to see if they reacted to you blocking them or see any more posts that may potentially hurt or annoy you. you blocked them because you didn't want to see what they are saying and you do not want to let them take up any more space in your mind.


• on tumblr, people you have blocked are able to see and interact with posts on your sideblogs, blocking them only blocks them from your main blog, unfortunately.


2. filtering is basically the block button, just with tags and words/phrases that are within the posts themselves. on tumblr, you can find this by going to settings - general - filtering. as far as i'm aware, there is no limit to the amount of tags/words you can have in your list (unlike twitter's muted words feature). again, you can use these for literally anything you want, even if it's not personally harmful or offensive to you (ex: i don't have any problems with fnaf, but when the movie came out, i was tired of fnaf posts clogging my dashboard, so i filtered basically any references to fnaf i've seen). nobody will ever see this list and you are not a bad person for using these for any purpose at all.


• the filtered content section is not perfect and it will filter posts that have words or urls containing the word you filtered (ai will filter posts that have the word bonsai, for example). if the word is short or is a commonly used name, i suggest just using the tag filter for it to avoid the problem.


• filtered posts on tumblr will still appear, just covered with a screen that says it's filtered for using whatever tags/content is filtered, and it will give you the option to see it anyway. DO NOT PRESS THAT BUTTON. i know it's so tempting, but trust me, you will regret it every time. you have those filters in place for a reason! if you're a desktop user, the xkit rewritten extension has an option to completely remove filtered posts from your view like how twitter treats posts with muted words.


3. tumblr has a feature where you can have different tabs on your dashboard. personally, i would probably avoid turning on the popular reblogs and trending tabs (and maybe avoid the for you tab until your dashboard feels a bit more cleaned up). i'm saying this because i've seen just random discourse posts and obvious terf posts on there. even with the filters, there's still some that slip through the cracks.


• if you're a twitter user stay far away from the for you tab there are literal nazis spewing their hatred on there.


4. if you're getting a lot of notifications and it's making you anxious, you have a few options. you can filter what notifications you can get, turn off all notifications for the app, set your phone on do not disturb.


5. turn off anonymous asks and set your accounts up to where only people you follow can message you. if you're worried about seeing spam, harrassment, etc or you are getting that stuff, this is the best option for peace of mind. if you are on other social sites, don't bother with those third-party anonymous message sites like curiouscat or whatever is being used these days (the guestbook i have may make me look hypocritical, but personal sites are not as popular as social media, so i feel ok keeping it.)


• if you do find any messages you don't want to see, delete the message and block the sender if you can. do not respond or post about it.

other actions you can take/behaviors to avoid

1. this may seem obvious to some, but follow accounts and tags that you like! i know hate-following or at least constantly checking accounts of people you don't like is a thing, but occupying your mind with someone you feel negatively towards is not healthy and it won't make that person go away. if you tend to do this, block the accounts/tags you don't like and focus your attention on what makes you feel good!


2. this seems hard, but avoid looking at the comments/replies section, especially if it's a popular or controversial post. seriously, you'll find the worst shit in an otherwise perfectly fine post. and this goes for pretty much every platform, including youtube. it's not worth looking at a bunch of fighting, negativity, harrassment, and people with poor reading comprehension missing the point.


3. do. not. doomscroll. if you catch yourself just reading negative posts/comments or going through a blog that has a bunch of stuff you don't agree with, stop immediately and either switch to a tag/blog you like or log off and do something else.


• recognize the difference between spreading awareness about an issue/resources on how to help and letting these issues consume you until you are unable to function and feel helpless and guilty for existing. the former is very helpful, but the latter is counterproductive to the cause and is only causing harm.


4. do not engage in or intentionally start arguments. healthy debate is alright, but tumblr is probably not the best place to do it due to it being the no nuance allowed site. it's pretty hard to change people's minds and it's next to impossible if one or both sides are angry and are in debate/fight mode. if you see someone post something you disagree with, you can always block them.


• and yes, this includes dunking on bigots. doing that gives them attention and a bigger platform. and before you say that you can just screenshot the post and crop the url out, consider that not everyone wants to see that stuff in the first place. best thing you can do is just assume they are a bot or a troll, and block without interacting.


• if you see that someone you follow is regularly dunking on/arguing with people, unfollow them (or send this blog post to them if you're close enough). you'll just feel exhausted having to see all that.


5. avoid vagueposting/subtweeting/whatever you call it. either communicate your problems with them privately and directly, or block/unfollow them. not only does vagueposting not do anything to solve the issue, but your mutuals/friends/followers will be worried that it's directed at them. overall, it's just not a good way to get things done. if you need to vent or complain, talk to a friend who's down for that.


6. recognize what interaction bait is and how to avoid it. these are usually posts that say something like "stop scrolling or you're _" "if you don't share this you are a horrible person" "reblog or _" "i'll notice who doesn't share this". if you have moral ocd this is probably your worst nightmare. you are not a bad person for not sharing one post about something, especially if that post is guilting other people into sharing it. you can use the filtered content tool to filter posts that say "reblog if" "reblog or", etc. some people have started tagging posts as reblog bait, so you can block tags like that too.


• if you have made or shared posts like that before, don't sweat, just avoid using phrases like that from now on. they aren't helpful at all.


7. you do not need to justify why you dislike someone/something. if you don't vibe with someone, that's okay and morally neutral, just don't try and find any dirt on them to make your action feel like the "right thing to do". this can lead to some slippery slopes.


8. you're probably going to come across a post tearing down one or more things you enjoy and calling that "irredeemable media" or something and they'll also probably say "if you are a fan of this you are a horrible person kys". this is like a cousin to reblog bait, just block this person. if you find that there is something wrong with the thing you enjoy, look into it and apply nuance. there is a difference between a show having a character be a bad person on purpose and finding out a show creator was found at the capitol during january 6th. there is no such thing as perfection, especially with how subjective that is, and you are allowed to enjoy things while knowing and understanding that there are parts of it that might suck or not age well. if the creator of the thing you like is a shitbag, piracy and secondhand merch are your friends.


• i miiight make a separate post about this, but i just want to add that having a character or story that shows a bad thing and doesn't explicitly paint it in a negative light is not the creator endorsing, glamorizing, or agreeing with that stuff unless stated otherwise. that's like saying "oh this book has murder, this author clearly is a murderer." and yes there is nuance to this there's nuance to literally everything it and it is ultimately your responsibility to discern these types of things.


• if this happens to be a callout post of a public figure, look at what they're being called out for and again, use nuance. if it was like sa, yeah they fucking suck, but if it's a weird thing they said 20 years ago and they've apologized for before and changed behavior accordingly, then it might not be a huge deal (again, there might be nuance within this. i'm really trying to hammer in the nuance thing because it's a necessary tool, especially now). people change and grow and everyone has said or done things in the past that they regret. this culture of digging up things like that and acting like they're the literal devil will just make everyone feel like shit for things they used to say and wouldn't say now. everyone is expected to be morally pure for their entire life when that's literally impossible this is just rebranded catholocism don't give into it.


• again if you've made/shared posts like this before/policed what other people are engaging with, forgive yourself, move forward, you're good.


• again nuance exists if someone is being called out for huge shit like sa or abuse or leading a hate group or something then yeah, you can spread awareness and it's a good idea to stop supporting them as well. i shouldn't have to say that but someone is definitely going to get on my ass for not including this.


9. if you see a post that talks about something positively and you feel the need to share your negative experience or how much you hate that thing, stop! ask yourself if op wants to see that. chances are, they don't. again, find a friend who is cool with you venting to them or get a diary.


10. hot take but dni lists are 80% useless. like, if you don't want people that post about things that trigger you like ed's following you then yeah that might work sometimes, but ultimately it's up to you to block these people that you do not want interacting with your stuff. nobody is going to go to your blog to read your dni before liking your post that randomly showed up on your dash. if they're a bigot, they're absolutely not going to follow your dni, hell they'll probably troll you for it. the best way to handle this stuff is again, block without engaging. if you tell bigots or trolls to stop, that's putting an even bigger target on your back and they'll harrass you even more. just block without saying a word.


• this also extends to stuff like carrds and similar stuff like that where people will list out all their mental disorders and triggers. do not do this, you will just give the trolls more ammo (also you should not be giving out personal information online, especially if you're a kid! i will make a separate blog post about internet safety). use the filter tool! people are getting a lot better at tagging triggering things on tumblr these days.


11. take frequent breaks from social media. if you're on it all day every day, you're gonna feel like shit no matter what you see on there. consider setting aside an hour a day to do something that doesn't require a screen. you do not have to be reachable 24/7 and you can always catch up on things you might have missed. if you don't know what to do while taking a break, look up some stuff you can do (a wise woman once said if your toilet is dirty i don't ever want to hear that you're bored...). i took a walk in the middle of writing this post it was so nice.


12. consider alternatives to social media platforms, like forums or making your own website. you can use these as replacements or supplements to social media. for me personally, it only took me about 2-3 days to learn enough html and css to get this site running and i've been making changes to it whenever i learn something new or if somethings bothering me (today i took out the blog boxes entirely instead of just sucking it up and learning how to use flexboxes lol).


13. find a community of people that aren't exactly the same as you. no, i'm not saying "be friends with racists", i'm saying be friends with people who aren't enaging in the above behaviors and have a wide range of experiences. for me, this place was anne hero's discord server. seriously, that server changed my life. i've been in there since the day it opened and i met the most amazing people in there from all around the world. if it weren't for the conversations i've had and the people i've met in there, i would probably have a much harder time breaking out of the absolute misery chamber i was in. you might find some relief in there or in some other place! but it's important that you find it.


14. people say "touch grass" for a reason. going outside to just walk or maybe hang out with friends and family does wonders for your health. you'll notice how people in real life are not like the people you see online and the arguments and discourse that plagues twitter is for the most part unheard of to most people.


15. if your mental health is suffering from social media and/or you have poor mental health in general, consider avoiding social media altogether. i deleted twitter awhile ago because i noticed the overwhelming negative affects it had on me, even after trying to implement these guidelines, so i left and i feel a lot better now. don't be afraid to deactivate! if you have friends on there, you can give them other ways to reach you. if you want to see what others are doing, try setting up an rss feed (i recommend feedbro since it acts as an extension/add-on in your browser and it lets you copy and paste links rather than having to get files and all that shit). you'll feel weird and like you're missing out on stuff for a bit, but you get used to it eventually.